Comments on: Happiness: Head in the Clouds or Feet on the Ground?

By: Mary Jane

Mary Jane — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:16:54 +0000

I agree with David Shen about this idea of ‘positivity’ rather than ‘happiness’ which seems like such a nebulousness word, a bit like the word ‘love’. Also, I think to stay ‘happy’ or positive or whatever word you choose there, it is not so much a goal that you can never fulfill, but smaller goals that are constantly being reset. It is a bit Terry like your DVD’s where you teach one skill and I work and work at that, then you move on to the next. There is always something ahead for us all of us if we just set these things up for ourselves, always moving forward.

By: shuumai

shuumai — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 18:17:12 +0000

Nice response, David Shen.

Being positive, or optimistic, according to brain people, is a what “normal” people usually are. (People who falsely believe that they are better drivers than the majority of drivers.) Mildly depressed people tend to be the most *realistic*. (I might never become a professional bowler, but I’m making some improvements, though sometimes I really suck.) Depressed people tend to be pessimistic. (Everything sucks and always will!) Being overly happy all the time might be a sign of being delusional. (I just started last week, but I’m the best in the world! Just ask me!) So, I guess being anywhere on the scale from mildly depressed to normal is the most functional state. Though I wonder about transcending all that and becoming “optimal.”

By: David Shen

David Shen — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 05:49:33 +0000

To me, happiness is the wrong term to use. Happiness, as you note, can invoke this thinking about airy-fairyness or a state of carefree bliss, which, if pursued as thus, has a lot of negative implications. For example, think of our youth who, in the pursuit of happiness, use drugs to obtain that state.

Then, if we don’t achieve happiness or some sort of state of bliss, then we feel like we’re doing something wrong, or there is something wrong with us. This is also wrong.

To me, the right statement is to pursue POSITIVITY, again noted in the post in the term “positive psychology”.

This is because to strive to be better than we were yesterday, or to always have some sort of positive slope in our lives, we may sometimes actually not be happy. This is NOT BAD. We are humans. It is OK to be mad, cry, or feel sad. Too long has society and this pursuit of happiness have caused us to feel like we’re wrong when we feel these negative feelings. As long as our lives are moving in a positive direction, it is IMPOSSIBLE to not feel negative feelings. Thus we should accept this and be better for it.

For example, when I train and race Ironman, it is definitely not a state of happiness I am in when I am out there, struggling through the long hours, bad or hot weather, with my body sore just trying to reach the finish line. But dammit I sure feel good when I hit the finish line.

If I break up with someone because the relationship was bad for me, I will feel a host of bad feelings. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t break up with that other person just because I will feel bad feelings; I will end up in a better place if I do BUT I will have to feel those bad feelings first. This is OK!

When Columbus went searching for the New World, his crew endured hunger, scurvy, and almost mutinied. But yet where would be if he just gave up and turned around back to Spain simply because he wasn’t feeling the strict definition of happy?

We should stop pursuing happiness but instead pursue POSITIVITY. It’s got a much better message attached to it and I think it reorients ourselves much better towards making our lives better and feeling fulfilled because of it.